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rules for guys
2004-04-06 - 12:56 p.m.
- I saw this "Rules for Girls" entry in a couple of peoples diaries and it kind of annoyed me.
So here are MY rules for guys:
Don't dress all cute and have a nice body and then say to your friends, "..and this totally fat, ugly bitch was checking me out...I mean, I don't know why!" Yes, you fucking do.
If you make your girl excited and then say, "later honey, the game is back on", you should be shot. That's just fucking mean.
sluts like hot guys, but don't want them as boyfriends or husbands. That�s all. We don�t want you after. Period.
Don't use your body and looks to get everything you want and then expect people not to think you're nothing but "good looks." Intelligence = sexy.
Realize that the way to a woman's heart is through food AND money.
Fucking every chick that comes along without WEARING A CONDOM is a great way to open the door to a gross, green dick with scabs and boils on it. Not recommended unless that's your thing, in which case you're insane and should seek professional help immediately.
If you eat pussy before marriage, then you better fucking do it after. Omitting to do so will cause an amazing magnetic attraction between your woman and the hot high school football player down the street.
Don't try to change your woman after marriage. She�s never going to change.
Don�t think you can just �forget� about all those tickets for speeding, no insurance or not wearing your seatbelt. They WILL come and get you. And you WILL sit in jail
Don't make your woman get rid of her doll/Brad Pitt/unicorn/shoe collection. Just don�t.
Don't let yourself go after marriage (no showers, forget to brush your teeth, gain 100lbs) if before you kept yourself undeniably sexy and then expect your woman to find you just as attractive. She won't. If you were disgusting beforehand, then your woman should seek psychological help and you should call the Queer Eye guys.
Get over your fear of blood. Periods are a monthly occurrence. Put on a condom and get up in the saddle, you baby.
Always KNOW you can be replaced.
If you are with a girl who lies, humiliates you in public, won�t let you hang with your friends, tells you how to dress and you say you can't leave her because you love her and you have put so much TIME into this relationship (you know, since HIGH SCHOOL), you are a dumb ass and deserve what you get.
Don't get back together with an ex and then be shocked that it didn't work out and complain to your friends about it. First of all, NOBODY wants to hear your bullshit for a second time, and second, she's a ex for a reason. (this is about the only one I agreed with 100% )
Don't expect a woman (this includes your mommy) to pay your way in life. Go out and get a fucking job. (or two or three)
Next time someone cheats on you, remember that "nice" chick you turned down...and please feel like a dumb ass for losing out on her in the first place. And for god sakes, don't go to ANYONE and cry because someone cheated on you. It happens to everybody. Get over it.
And last but not least...
If that fails, bend over boyfriend, and take it like a man. We always get what we want in the end anyway.
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