Wednesday Morning ShitStorm - 2006-12-20
Hey out there! - 2006-12-02
no more drama - 2006-09-30
How 'bout some drama? - 2006-09-27
pic spam - 2006-09-27
go ahead and do what you want
2006-01-12 - 9:53 a.m.
- i have a couple of blocked referrer hits and a search on "pattymelt" which leads me to believe someone is reading this that might not like what they read.
oh, well. it's like snooping in someone underwear drawer and not liking the one-hitter you find. or listening outside the dorr on a private conversation. you MIGHT not like what you find or hear.
too fucking bad. that's what you get.
it's not like i haven't said the things i write here to this persons face. ok, not to her face but back to her in an email since she doesn't answer the phone or the door. email seems to be her best way of communication. but see, then you have time to think back and actually PONDER you reply. you think back and remember all the shitty things this person has done to piss you off and you get to re-read the crap they have sent you and re-read that and you get more and more pissed off until, oh, well, too late. i already hit the send button.
but see, i stand by myself when i say that REAL friendships shouldn't be hard. it should require therapy. or anti-depressants. it doesn't involve demands. it just IS.
anything else is too much like a marriage or the gross BF/GF thing that sucks the life out of everyone i know. i never signed up for that.
so if that's what you want, someone to cater to your every whim and do everything you want them to do and not have a life of their own? that's not me. been there, done that. never again. you wonder why you dont' ahve friends? you tell yourself it's because you don't trust people and you don't want to let them get close to you. well, in actuallity, maybe it's because you are to demanding of your friendships. you are too much work. you want it all YOU way and nothing else can enter into it. nobody else is allowed. maybe that's why this won't work. i already have a best friend. i don't want another one and what you are asking is what i already give to her. and for you to be included in anything else i do would require you to be a part of a group and you will have nothing to do with that. or maybe the group won't have anything to do with
you.
i am sick of this every six months you are mean to me bullshit. i am too old. i am not in grade school anymore and i don't care what most people think of me. if i don't put it here, i don't keep track of petty little slights that others might do me. in the past, there was much more anger here. i think most of that has past. but i will contuinue to write about the things that effect my life. the things that upset me. maybe make someone think.
i don't think anything i write will change anything that has happened with anyone i have written about. if you knwo me, and you read this, you are taking your chances. you might not like what i say. but keep in mind, i have most likely already said this crap to your face and you just didn't hear it. you chose to wallow in your own self hatred and ignore what i say. you are unhappy with your life and try to fond someone to pull you out of it. i am not your therepist or your trainier or now, your friend.
go on and be mad at the world. Taoist that you are, you will realize that all this just comes back you. the fact that you seek out my online diary to see what i say about you? you realize that people don't know who i am or who you are, right? this is a world i created with people that like to read the crap i write. they don't CARE who you are. so get over yourself.
holy crap, i just realized this is really long and i am not going back to check for spelling errors or run on sentences. i will just let the flow of words out.
36 hours til my REAL best friend flys into town. all will be right with the world for 3 days.
�