Wednesday Morning ShitStorm - 2006-12-20
about -surveys -
How 'bout some drama?
2006-09-27 - 10:32 p.m.
I am sitting here at the computer listening to Shawn Hlookof on his web page. Go back a few for the banner to his site. Love it. It totally fits my mood tonight.
I couldn't sleep the other night. I think I tossed and turned all night. Maybe I could feel something disturbing in the wind?
Last week, I got a message from someone from the past. It was the beginning, I think. I ignored it. It wasn't that difficult. I blocked her. The end. (momo got the same "I'm sorry I was such a back stabber" note too although she treated Momo much worse than she did me) Anyway, then then a couple of days later, I get a friend request from someone else. A little closer to home. I didn't recognise him at first because it was from him and his girlfriend. i really didn't make the connection since they listed "Prison Break" as an interest, I assumed that's why they wanted to add me. No big deal. Then Momo calls and says she got a message from this same guy. The back stabber had sent him the info. Well, great. Now we are getting a little close to all those feeling and drama and just plain BULLSHIT in.
Well, Mo talked to that guy on the phone and he asked about me. Did I ever talk to the Butthole? Well, shit. Now I could really feel it coming.
Sure enough, I get home this afternoon, there it is. I have not just a friend request from the Butthole but a message. He tried to be all funny and friendly but, well. The wound is still there.
I did not reply. I am thinking.
Let me back step just a bit. I came home at lunch today because I wasn't feeling well. Was it Karma? I dont' know. Luckily, I was home. I don't know how I would have handled it if I had been at work. You know, someone that caused so much pain and made you look at yourself in a different way. I am not that person anymore but I can feel him pulling at me. Do I really want to fogive him? Do I want to say those words?
I got another message a couple of hours ago. This one was more serious. Him telling me how sorry he is he treated me so shitty.
I am still thinking.
I was just a tad upset. I mean, he came to me. I never thought THAT would happen. Not in a million years did I think he would do the reaching.
I can still remember when we first met and he was such a sweet thing. And we had fun. Just knowing helped me through some dark places. But I watched him change over the few years we we friends and he turned into a mean, manipulative drug user and and liar. When I walked away, I think I really hated him. For everything he had thrown away and the people he had hurt. (not just me)
I walked away from him and all those people that knew him. I had to. And I survuved and now I am much better for it.
So why can he still make me cry? I will always hate him for that. I haven't seen him in what? 3 years? And still, part of me misses him. Do I want to know the man he is now? I don't know.
So I will just not do anything. I can't respond to him yet. I told Momo I needed her to be with me to keep me strong. So I can be the person I know she thinks I am and that I can be when she looks at me.
Maybe I would feel better if I could just punch him the face.
Wow. This was depressing. Go back a page and look at some pic spam of Wenty.
I think I am going to watch some PB and get lost in the world of Fox River.